Pointing Out Ludicrosity (and at the same time, pointing out there's no such word)

In an effort to solidify my position among the revelers on Valentine's Day, (or Balumtime's Day, as Emily calls it) I called to make reservations at The Melting Pot.

I had an hunch this would begin to happen - restaurants now require CONTRACTS for dining.

First, they don't even offer their standard menu on Valentine's Day, only a steak/lobster 5-course meal. Second, the cost is 70 per person, with an automatic 20 percent gratuity, and... are you sitting down? You must pay for your meal at the signing of the contract. 100 percent up-front payment required, which is $168, not including drinks.

If you're 15 minutes late, or you have to cancel due to illness or death, you get NO refund and no food... once your card is charged, (which is the same day you sign the contract) you get nothing back. Not even the gratuity.

Believe me, I am not a tight-ass when it comes to dining. I like nicer restaurants, and it's not unusual to have 150 to 200 dollar tabs for a good meal now and then. But requiring a contract is too much... and paying in advance? HA. That'll be the day.

I do love the Melting Pot as a specialty destination... but I am incensed about their Valentine's Day policy. I wrote them an email to express that - and to cancel my reservation request.

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At the coffee house where I go about 3 times a week, they know my first name. I know theirs. It's very cool.

And they get artistic with my Latte'. Enough for me to take this picture:



Matthew and Bob are the greatest, and I never have to sign a contract to get my coffee. What would life be without the simple pleasures?

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The lottery is something I am really looking forward to winning someday. Maybe not even so much "looking forward," more of a "must-win" situation. I've made commitments that depend on it.

A group of friends were talking the other night about what we'd do if we won the lottery. The Powerball is up to 250 million now... so CLEARLY, we're all playing. Some of the interesting things we decided we'd do included:

1 - Buying the home on each side of someone who screwed you over. Allow trashy people to live there free, complete with a 1975 Camaro on blocks, non-mowed yard and loud, loud music.

2 - Hire an attorney to make someone miserable. An ex-spouse, for instance. A real Jekyl/Hyde person who had (hypothetically, of course) taken advantage of your generosity early in the relationship by letting you pay off all her debts from HER PREVIOUS MARRIAGE, her attorneys fees and mechanical bills, then screwed someone else while you were married, left you with all the debt and sued you for divorce, lied like a RUG in court about her income, your marriage and your pets, gotten the judge to believe her bullshit, and secured a judgment which would practically buy her a house that she didn't earn and furniture she didn't have to buy. (again, of course all hypothetical)

3 - Pay off mortgages of family and close friends. But don't just give them cash.

4 - Pay off all personal debt and invest every dime of the rest in a moderately aggressive fashion, and try to live off the interest earnings... which would be probably 5 to 10 million a year.

5 - Buy a property on the beach in Mexico, a property in the mountains and a place in between.

6 - Start a hobby business that will pay for itself and be personally fulfilling.

Did you notice that much of the ideas expressed among our friends involves revenge-like activity? I realize it's a waste of time and resources, but c'mon... don't you have at least one person you'd screw with a little?

What is the first thing you'd do if you won 250 mil?