Monday, April 02, 2007

Monday Mojo

I admire people who can do things for themselves.


My Grandfather gave me some good working knowledge of things like plumbing, carpentry, wood-working, electricity, roofing and mechanics. The thing he couldn't give me was the long-term confidence to tackle those things today.

I can do simple plumbing, wire switches and outlets, change oil, replace auto parts like alternators, plugs/wires, battery, even car windows (right, Dr. Mike?) but today I lack the tools to do many of those things, and I've lost some Mojo.

There is no spot for it on the periodic table of elements, but Mojo is real. For guys (also some women and of course Austin Powers) Mojo gives us the confidence to have great sex, lay some pipe (I'm talking literally here) and roof a house.

For me, most of my pending projects are well within my ability. I just have to find the Mojo to start them. It's hardly ever a lack of energy...

Or take the easy way out and hire them done.

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When we were on the road to Florida, I noticed a lot of "adult cafes" along the interstate that promised good food and naked women. I've never heard of a strip club that combined food and nudity - is this a new thing?

If not, there are NONE in Missouri. I might have to jump on this bandwagon and open a chain of "breastaurants" around here.

I smell opportunity (one dollar bill at a time) and chicken fried steak.

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We're headed to the post office this afternoon to get our passports, which we'll need in June to travel to Mexico.

If you plan on traveling anywhere outside the US, you'll need one too... and they are a PAIN in the ASS to get, especially if you're a woman who has been divorced. You have to show documentation for each marriage, each divorce, your birth certificate, photo ID and proof of residency. For guys it's only birth certificate, photo ID and proof of residency.

Thanks terrorists. You sons of bitches.

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I began the process of cleaning out my garage yesterday and it's unbelievable what guys save. For instance, I've never thrown away a screw. Sometimes after assembly of furniture, electronics or whatever, there are extra parts. I've never thrown any of them away... in case I need them someday. I have about 20 small, partial bottles of white glue, 12,000 single screws, 32 dowel pins and hundreds of washers.

I've NEVER needed any of it. And yet I keep them... just in case.

Well, screw that! (pardon the pun) I'm cleaning out all the BS. It's a work in progress, but soon my garage will be the most organized and clean part of the house. If only I had taken a "before" picture for comparison.

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I received confirmation of my medical condition last week. After running an exhaustive panel of blood tests, my doctor confirms what I feared.

It's the big MSD.

MSD is Medical Student's Disease. Apparently, when studying symptoms of ailments, medical students develop a tendency to believe they are experiencing many of them. I'm no med student, but I AM fascinated with medicine and consume health information ravenously. Apparently, that is a problem. Everything I read about, I imagine I have.

My doctor has prescribed avoiding websites such as WebMD, the New England Journal of Medicine and others.

Damn. That means it's back to porn.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I've never thrown away a screw."

Funny, I haven't either. At least not since that Liz in college. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.

ajooja said...

My wife and I bought new light fixtures for the house about a year ago. They're still not up. :)

I'm with you on the breastraunts. Fantastic idea.

I would like to stop at one of those places once just to see what they're like. Of course, I had my 13-year-old son and my mother-in-law this trip.

Violet said...

Oh, I'm so glad you're healthy! I mean, I'm not even on your life insurance policy yet! You gotta hang on for a little while...

Maybe the Easter Bunny will bring you some tools for your garage... So that way you can clean them out!

Kim Leslie said...

MSD? IS that a nice way of saying H-Y-P-O-C-H-O-N-D-R-I-A-C?

Weary Hag said...

Lots to read, lots to say, probably won't get it all said but since the world of hagness has been going a bit dry these days, that's nothing new.

The divorced woman issue with passports? Guess I'll never be traveling outside the States. I'd be hung up with paperwork from now till Christmas. What a crock of crap that is!

Mowgli. What a mess that whole thing has become. The 'Sanjaya game' HAS ruined the show quite a bit ... the fact that Haley only got the boot last night is further proof that their current voting system is just plain NOT working. This entire season has been a disaster except for the two or three who can actually perform.