All I want is to clear my name.
I went to the driver's license bureau yesterday to renew, and got a nice surprise. The state of Pennsylvania is looking for me. That's what the lady told me, anyway. And I couldn't get my license renewed until I cleared things up with them.
"Things?" What things? I've never even BEEN to Pennsylvania. Naturally, the first thing I assumed was they had the wrong guy. Then, as I was sitting on hold with PA-DOT I began to get a little anxious. Have I paid all my bills? Has someone in PA sued me? Was it that hooker from Pittsburgh?
I reassured myself. I HAD paid all my bills, NOBODY is suing me, and that hooker... well, there was none. I just made that up for effect. (as far as you know)
Finally the guy picked up the phone. Was I the Dave Morris who lived in Philly whose license had been suspended?
"Gosh no! You got the wrong guy, I've never even been there. Always wanted to though. Nope, it isn't me. Although Pennsylvania is definitely a beautiful state. How's the weather out there right now?"
I found out those guys don't appreciate small talk, it makes you sound guilty.
In order to get my license renewed, I had to write a letter to PA indicating I am not the same Dave Morris... get it notarized and fax it to them, along with a copy of my birth certificate, by the end of the day.
What the f**k? Will every guy in the US named Dave Morris have to go through the same BS routine until they get their guy?? Can't they cross-reference a SS#, birthdate, SOMETHING? Isn't the system better than this?
Apparently not. So here's a note to Dave Morris of Philadelphia: you're a douche bag and you are giving us Morrises a bad name. Get your license bullshit taken care of. And for God sake, I hope YOUR middle name isn't also Earl.
PS - my buddy Gary is having trouble with his emissions. I know how that sounds. I mean the state emissions test. Isn't life in a beaurocracy grand??
There is a new study out today that says "rich" doesn't necessarily equate to "intelligent."
No freakin' joke... I wonder how long they spent on this "study." I could have pointed out a pretty good sample group and saved them the time.
Submitted for your approval: Stupid Test
I have less than one more day to enjoy being only 15 years older than Violet. Tomorrow, I go back to being 16 years her senior... (he pauses and stares out the window reflecting on his life... you know, just for effect)
For various reasons, sometimes I believe I am actually YOUNGER than her. I wonder if the "old soul" thing is real. Anyway, I will be spending my birthday working today... there's NO rest for the wicked! I'll check in sometime over the weekend.
Meanwhile, here's a picture of me at age 42, with Violet. I hope I look this damn good at 43! haha!!