Friday, April 27, 2007

Stupidity and age

They say it's my birthday. Cha cha cha... whooopeeeeeee!!!


All I want is to clear my name.

I went to the driver's license bureau yesterday to renew, and got a nice surprise. The state of Pennsylvania is looking for me. That's what the lady told me, anyway. And I couldn't get my license renewed until I cleared things up with them.

"Things?" What things? I've never even BEEN to Pennsylvania. Naturally, the first thing I assumed was they had the wrong guy. Then, as I was sitting on hold with PA-DOT I began to get a little anxious. Have I paid all my bills? Has someone in PA sued me? Was it that hooker from Pittsburgh?

I reassured myself. I HAD paid all my bills, NOBODY is suing me, and that hooker... well, there was none. I just made that up for effect. (as far as you know)

Finally the guy picked up the phone. Was I the Dave Morris who lived in Philly whose license had been suspended?

"Gosh no! You got the wrong guy, I've never even been there. Always wanted to though. Nope, it isn't me. Although Pennsylvania is definitely a beautiful state. How's the weather out there right now?"

I found out those guys don't appreciate small talk, it makes you sound guilty.

In order to get my license renewed, I had to write a letter to PA indicating I am not the same Dave Morris... get it notarized and fax it to them, along with a copy of my birth certificate, by the end of the day.

What the f**k? Will every guy in the US named Dave Morris have to go through the same BS routine until they get their guy?? Can't they cross-reference a SS#, birthdate, SOMETHING? Isn't the system better than this?

Apparently not. So here's a note to Dave Morris of Philadelphia: you're a douche bag and you are giving us Morrises a bad name. Get your license bullshit taken care of. And for God sake, I hope YOUR middle name isn't also Earl.

PS - my buddy Gary is having trouble with his emissions. I know how that sounds. I mean the state emissions test. Isn't life in a beaurocracy grand??


There is a new study out today that says "rich" doesn't necessarily equate to "intelligent."

No freakin' joke... I wonder how long they spent on this "study." I could have pointed out a pretty good sample group and saved them the time.

Submitted for your approval: Stupid Test


I have less than one more day to enjoy being only 15 years older than Violet. Tomorrow, I go back to being 16 years her senior... (he pauses and stares out the window reflecting on his life... you know, just for effect)

For various reasons, sometimes I believe I am actually YOUNGER than her. I wonder if the "old soul" thing is real. Anyway, I will be spending my birthday working today... there's NO rest for the wicked! I'll check in sometime over the weekend.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of me at age 42, with Violet. I hope I look this damn good at 43! haha!!


arthist99 said...

Very nice - quite a lovely couple!

In the spirit of fairness, did YOU get any bling for YOUR bling drawer? :)

ajooja said...

Happy birthday, Dave. Can't imagine having the hassle of a relatively common name.

Diana said...

Happy Birthday!

That sucks that you had to go through that yesterday.

Steve said...

I have shoes older than 42.

Blogarita said...

Holy freakin' $h!t! I forgot it was your birthday.

But thank goodness you reminded helped me remember that tomorrow is my dad's birthday. I think you just kept me from getting grounded (again)!

Blogarita said...

Pee Ess: Where's that picture of bull balls you promised?

pink hippo said...

Happy Birthday to you!

You definitely look younger than your age.

Please tell Violet that she is beautiful. :)

Fantastagirl said...

Happy Birthday!

Weary Hag said...

HB buddy.

Anonymous said... look like a stuffed animal in that picture. Happy Birthday to you anyway...

Eve said...

Happy Birthday, DAVE!!!!!

You guys are too freaking CUTE...

Ken Dillon said...

Just my wish among thousands for a Happy Birthday.

Coming to your town for the MBA gathering. Maybe we can hook up, finally, again.

Ari said...

Happy Birthday, Dave!

On the happy side, if the state really is that inept at cross-referencing, that means we're still a tolerable distance away from having barcodes tattooed on our forearms and chips implanted in our skulls for government tracking.

(I can accept that I have watched too many sci-fi movies and listened to too much conservative talk radio.... or have I?)

Nichole said...

This is the # reason why Ive never been married. Im certain that there is not another one of me. No one has myfirst lastname. There are quite a few others that are similar, but fortunately for me (and everyone else) there is only oneof ME