Wednesday, September 13, 2006

September 13, 2000

On this date six years ago, I was on a beach in Maui, sweating inside a black tuxedo. I was getting married.

Today, I endure the memory and mourn the day. Mostly for what that relationship became. I never dreamed she would ever be an adversary... an enemy.

I suppose that's how divorce is.

During the marriage, I tried to do my best... succeeded a little, failed a little, and helped father a good young man (of whom I am very proud) as well as I could. I wasn't the perfect husband... I'm not sure if there IS such a thing... but I was decent, moral, protective, loving and real.

But a good marriage takes more than just not intentionally hurting someone's feelings (I never tried to)... not physically abusing someone (I wouldn't)... and just giving love. You need similar goals, personalities, approaches and views of the world. The way I looked at the world and how I dealt with issues sometimes offended her and made her uncomfortable. For that, I am eternally sorry. I am an alpha driver personality, she is an amiable. I should have noticed that more.

So today, I again make a note of my mistakes. I will think about the positives that came from the experience. I will try to ignore what lawyers say, and remember the real story. We both grew from the experience...

13 comments:

Blogarita said...

A year seems like a long time from where you are standing, but there hasn't really been enough time yet for you to resolve all your feelings about the divorce. It will get better with time.

I know you. You are a good man. Don't let lawyers or anyone else tell you otherwise.

Mishka said...

You know, I don't think you have to have the same ideals, wants and desires, but you have to be willing to compromise to make each other happy. My husband and I are completely opposite on many things but we are best friends, enjoy each other's company and find a way to meet in the middle on most things...hope you find it for yourself in the future, you deserve to be happy. We all do.

Max said...

6 years ago on this date I had the engagement ring that I had given my ex-fiance handed back to me. It still stings like a mutha when I think about it.

Fortunately I did find another woman who understands me a bit better and we will celebrate 3 years on the 20th.

Max...

gary said...

Dave...Never fret about not being perfect. Take a good hard look at me and where BEING perfect has gotten ME.


See...you're not missing anything and we're now in the same boat!!!

Sorry...didn't mean to belittle your post....I'm just in a mood!!! You know where to reach me if you need me bro!!!

Fantastagirl said...

*Hugs*

There are two sides to every story - you know the truth - the lawyers tend to make everything messy.

Kimmy said...

Marriage Wisdom from Ogden Nash: To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage wisdom from Dr. Kim: Most problems that lead to divorce will appear within the first two months of a marriage. I didn't make that up. I read it somewhere. That said, I believe ALL couples should be required to live together for a minimum of six months before taking the vows.

Hang in there, friend.

Anonymous said...

She is not the enemy. She hurts as much as you, if not more. Only you and her know the whole story. The whole thing is a tragedy.

Anonymous said...

Everything will turn out fine Dave... I promise. I know. Just be patient and hold onto faith and good memories. I would bet you two will be able to remain good friends when this is all over.

For the record... you aren't the only one struggling with divorce.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Ah, those lawyers sure do like to grease the fire. Don't they?

They don't make money unless somebody's a victim. So they make certain the world has PLENTY of those!

Sista Smiff said...

I don't have any deep thoughts to add. The others have said lots of things I'd have said, but, way more eloquent than I could've said them.

Chris Cope said...

...and then you will get really, really drunk.

RC said...

interesting reflection.

--RC of strangeculture.bogspot.com

CP said...

You know what?

My ex hubby and I are the best of friends today. The first year was excrutiating. How can someone that I loved so much turn into someone that I resent like crazy? But time does heal some of that. Focus on co-parenting and really making an effort to be kind to one another. If you start, she'll take your lead.

It IS possible to be friends after a divorce.

CP.