- House paint which contains termite poison. Why hasn't this been done already? Isn't it ultra-obvious?
- Deodorant soap bars with a little bottle of actual deodorant in the middle. Use the Lever 2000, then uncap the end and roll on the stink-resistant. Morning prep time will be cut in half.
- Car seat vents. Install a seat bottom with little holes, connected to an exhaust fan vented to the outdoors. Fart all you want with the windows up... who cares! I will buy the first one for my friend Dr. Mike, (heart of gold, colon of sulphur) who could make a hyena puke. The second one will go to Bill.
- Underwear laced with jock-itch medication. Self explanatory. (and why does the same medication treat jock itch AND athlete's foot? Is that totally weird, or is it just me?)
- Wine laced with aspirin.
- Hustler magazines with handy-wipes between the pages. Duh.
- An airplane made of either rubber, or the same shit the black box is made of. Suddenly, no more fatalities during a crash.
- Speaking of airplanes, the restrooms should come equipped with a "changing table"... and I don't mean to really change diapers on. We all know what people are doing in there, so we might as well make it convenient.
- Red Bull with vodka or other mixers already in it. Isn't that the REAL reason we buy it anyway? Who has consumed a Red Bull straight up? I rest my case.
- Roads that are rubber, and tires that are concrete. I don't know why. I guess I'm just running out of ideas.
- Fingernail clippers that catch the nails before they shoot across the room. Another one whose lack of existence shocks me.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Inventions by Dave
Things I'd like to see patented and marketed: