Friday, January 30, 2009

The secret to longevity? Apparently hyperbole.

The Jack LaLaine Power Juicer infomercial somehow made it on my monitor in the studio this morning, and for a nanosecond I turned up the sound.

A perfectly healthy, beautiful woman came on and said "I couldn't live without my juicer."

Couldn't. Live.

He's saving lives with juice! Could I live without one? I can't imagine.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A real blogger's blogger

The guy who unwittingly swept me into blogging hysteria a few years ago* put a fine point on what it means to be a good blogger during his trip to Washington D.C. for the Obama inauguration.

He not only blogged, but Twittered as well. Check out Steve's work at

Today's 'everywhere' connectivity has inspired me to revise an age-old bathroom-stall limerick:

Here I sit upon the shitter,
Tried to blog but only Twittered.

*I have yet to do Steve proud. As the title says, he's a REAL blogger, I just flail my arms wildly hoping to hit something.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Kroc genius

In a cuisine world full of audacious, delectible and irresistible foods... there is still absolutely nothing like the taste of a fresh-from-the-fryer hot order of McDonalds french fries and a large, icy Coke.

The soda sold at McDonalds seems crisper and more carbonated. It tingles on the way down, causing an involuntary hiccup. And those fries...

Wow. Just sayin'.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Timing is everything

On the way to the NYEPBWHNLPYC, the New Year's Eve Party for Boring "We Have No Life" Parents of Young Children, (for which, ironically, everyone ended up getting a sitter) we came as near to hitting a deer as I ever have. (aside from an incident one night when I was in a bar with Blitzen and he was firing hard on this married doe.)

We were driving on a dark, two-lane country highway (MO-79 north of 70, for you locals) and were about to meet an oncoming car, when a 12-point buck lept from the right side of the road, passed within 5-10 feet of our bumper and collided with the left-front side of the oncoming car exactly at the moment we were passing. (at this point, I was braking hard and hitting the shoulder)
There was a sickening noise, a cross between a thump and a crack, and the deer flew off the side of the other car, spinning wildly through the air, missing the left-rear of our van by inches before making a landing in the center of our lane right behind the van, just in time to be run completely over by the pickup behind us. I can imagine the damage was extensive to both of the other vehicles, while ours was left untouched.

Had we left the house one second earlier, we'd have hit the deer with the front of the van. One second later and the deer would have slammed into the side of our van.

We were in a perfect one-second window of safety. I can only imagine it's because I have a tremendously keen sense of timing. Ask anyone. Dave time is different than the rest of the world.

Incidentally, the next morning we were headed to the store and a two-car accident happened about 15 feet behind our van as we were passing. What the... ?

Friday, January 09, 2009

Pointless thoughts

I've recently become a functional member of Facebook and it's actually pretty cool! Some folks I would NEVER expect to be on there ARE, and they are quite active.

I've heard it said technology keeps us from being the close friends we COULD be. I say it helps us be closer friends than we WOULD be.

If that makes sense...


I've noticed that when you have a child, you stop trying to find parking spaces near the front door, and start looking for spaces near the shopping cart corrals.


It's a short one today. Life's pretty busy and Grayson has a lung infection so he's not sleeping the best. Ah, parenthood! I need a beer.