To complete an order on the internet, usually you must provide the billing address for the card you're using. I live in O'Fallon, and sometimes the card companies use the apostrophe, sometimes they don't. It's a bitch trying to remember which card is which, so tonight I decided to give up.
I think I will start paying for everything with live chickens, like back in the day. Unleaded gas, three and 9/10 live chickens. A Bud Light 20-pack, fifteen live chickens.
I wonder, could you pay at KFC with live chickens? Would the ratio be 1:1?
I sat at the bar at Chili's tonight watching Monday Night Football and eating salad. This has become my Monday night routine.
The bartender had an obnoxious habit of calling me "partner," "bud," and "champ." I tipped him one percent less with every nick-name infraction. He ended up at something around seven percent by the time I finished my food. "Thanks, zippy."
We're getting extremely excited about the arrival of the baby. Every time Em talks to her mom, she asks if we know the sex of the baby yet. Every time, Em reminds her we'll find out right around Thanksgiving.
The funny thing is, she will be present when we find out, or will be the first person Em calls.
Speaking of the baby, mommy has had a few instances where she thought, just MAYBE, she felt the baby move. They all turned out to be gas bubbles.
Apparently we're going to have a cute little fart.
Oh, and until we decide on a name, the baby's official nickname is Sparky.
Why do I keep getting drawn into political debates? The world is wound so tightly right now, nobody gives an inch. No compromise. No shades of grey. Each side is practicing the ready dispensation of lies, half-truths and bullshit. Mostly bullshit.
To me, arguing politics is like lighting a fart. Just because it burns doesn't mean you can read a book by it.*
I'm sick of the buzzword "terrorist." It's so overused, it has become a synonym for bad guy. Ahmadinejad is a terrorist. Hugo Chavez is a terrorist. Fidel Castro and Kim Jong Il are terrorists.
They certainly don't instill terror in me... they're just bad guys. And they probably all smell funny.
But as tired buzzwords go, "terrorist" is the mack daddy of the 21st century so far.
Other buzz phrases or words I'm finished with:
- Pull the trigger
- Mission critical
- You're doing a good job, Brownie
- Outside the box
- Peel the onion
- Test the waters
- Big picture
- Forward thinking
- (anything) 2.0
Conversely, one of my favorite new buzz phrases is, "Don't taze me bro!"
* I can read that line one time and it sounds brilliant. The next time, it hardly makes sense. So my advice to you is to read it until it makes sense, then look away.