Monday, October 08, 2007

Sparky

It is a frustrating combination to be a credit card user and a resident of a town with an apostrophe in its name.

To complete an order on the internet, usually you must provide the billing address for the card you're using. I live in O'Fallon, and sometimes the card companies use the apostrophe, sometimes they don't. It's a bitch trying to remember which card is which, so tonight I decided to give up.

I think I will start paying for everything with live chickens, like back in the day. Unleaded gas, three and 9/10 live chickens. A Bud Light 20-pack, fifteen live chickens.

I wonder, could you pay at KFC with live chickens? Would the ratio be 1:1?

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I sat at the bar at Chili's tonight watching Monday Night Football and eating salad. This has become my Monday night routine.

The bartender had an obnoxious habit of calling me "partner," "bud," and "champ." I tipped him one percent less with every nick-name infraction. He ended up at something around seven percent by the time I finished my food. "Thanks, zippy."

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We're getting extremely excited about the arrival of the baby. Every time Em talks to her mom, she asks if we know the sex of the baby yet. Every time, Em reminds her we'll find out right around Thanksgiving.

The funny thing is, she will be present when we find out, or will be the first person Em calls.

Speaking of the baby, mommy has had a few instances where she thought, just MAYBE, she felt the baby move. They all turned out to be gas bubbles.

Apparently we're going to have a cute little fart.

Oh, and until we decide on a name, the baby's official nickname is Sparky.

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Why do I keep getting drawn into political debates? The world is wound so tightly right now, nobody gives an inch. No compromise. No shades of grey. Each side is practicing the ready dispensation of lies, half-truths and bullshit. Mostly bullshit.

To me, arguing politics is like lighting a fart. Just because it burns doesn't mean you can read a book by it.*

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I'm sick of the buzzword "terrorist." It's so overused, it has become a synonym for bad guy. Ahmadinejad is a terrorist. Hugo Chavez is a terrorist. Fidel Castro and Kim Jong Il are terrorists.

They certainly don't instill terror in me... they're just bad guys. And they probably all smell funny.

But as tired buzzwords go, "terrorist" is the mack daddy of the 21st century so far.

Other buzz phrases or words I'm finished with:

  • Pull the trigger
  • Synergy
  • Mission critical
  • Paradigm
  • You're doing a good job, Brownie
  • Outside the box
  • Peel the onion
  • Test the waters
  • Big picture
  • Outsource
  • Forward thinking
  • Evil-doers
  • (anything) 2.0
  • Execution
  • Cluster
That's all I can think of right now.

Conversely, one of my favorite new buzz phrases is, "Don't taze me bro!"

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* I can read that line one time and it sounds brilliant. The next time, it hardly makes sense. So my advice to you is to read it until it makes sense, then look away.

10 comments:

Annie Jones said...

I had the same problem when we lived in Lee's Summit. Official P.O. spelling is without the apostrophe, everyone else insists on putting it in.

On top of that, if a business did get the spelling right, but used a program that automatically inserted the zip code, it would invariably pull up a different Lee's Summit zip code.

A lot of our mail went missing when we lived there.

Lee Ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lee Ann said...

Glad you came by the Castle. You know you are welcome any time, it was good seeing you.
O'Fallon....hmmm, never thought about that. I have a similar problem filling those spaced forms too. Lee Ann is my first name (with the space in between Lee and Ann). If I complete it correctly, they always use Lee as my first name and Ann as my middle name. (Even though I put a middle initial too).
It must be getting more and more exciting about the arrival of bubbly Sparky, or we could say Sparkling bubbly.
Have a great week Dave.

Fantastagirl said...

sooo do you know the sex of the baby yet? *ducks*

I understand, but you have to remember how excited she is for the soon to be grandbaby to arrive.

We didn't tell with either of ours, even though we knew with both, there are very few surprises in the world, and was awesome to surprise the grandparents.

ajooja said...

When I lived in Maplewood, I just put St. Louis on everything and never had a problem.

I don't know if you can do that now. That was "back in the day." :)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

...I wonder, could you pay at KFC with live chickens? Would the ratio be 1:1?

That's choice stuff, right there.

The reason you're finding yourself in political debate is because you give a damn. You're an expectant father. Now, you have to give a damn about the world you leave behind for Sparky's sake.

mckay said...

you realize the name Sparky is a keeper.

Nobody™ said...

I never really did know what a paradigm was. I think it's a made up word.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think I'd like to keep "good job Brownie" on hand for awhile. It's good to bait the bad guys with.

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