Thursday, February 14, 2008

St. Valentine must have owned Hallmark stock

So I've been sick with the flu this week and bat-shit busy last week, so I haven't blogged for a month of Sundays. (thanks Grandma) I can only imagine you've been depressed and borderline suicidal without my unique, entertaining perspective.

Emily and I are only about seven weeks away from Child Launch 2008, when Sparky will enter the world with a list of demands: Diapers, boobs and naps. I can help him with the diapers and naps, but my nipples tend to chap like a bitch.



At any rate, the baby's room is nearly ready! Ahead of schedule, I might add... the paint is on, a wallpaper border added. Furniture is assembled and in place, and we have somewhere around 1,200 diapers standing by to catch all the Sparky colon jetsam.

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We paid our annual Valentine's visit to The Melting Pot last night. Do you have any idea what that much freakin' cheese does to your system?

Fondue is always fun, but I wouldn't want to do it more than once a year. First, it would give me flashbacks to the 70's and way too much evil shit went on in my life back then; but moreover, I would gain about two hundred pounds.

Anyway, we had fun despite the waiter's very dry, almost mumbly persona.

Hey, somebody got Em roses!

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There's a city in the St. Louis area that has banned baggy pants. Pine Lawn has decided that it would legislate dignity and self respect.

Now, I understand that some people hate those baggy pants with legs that drag the ground (not to mention the occasional showing-of-the-ass-crack) but what's next? You going to tell me what color lederhosen I can wear?

And what about plumbers? Are you willing to crack down on that crack?

I'll bet they haven't found a solution to their crime problems, but damned if they are going to let these ingracious little mall-monkeys wear loose pants.

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When you're having a baby, you tend to plan his/her future even prior to birth. Such is the case with Sparky, who will attend UCLA and major in biochemistry with minors in psychology and history.

But occasionally Emily and I will stumble across something we don't agree on. For instance, will Sparky be allowed to have a kitchen set?

You're probably thinking, "gee, I wonder which side Dave's on..."

I'm not much into sexual stereotypes, and many (if not most) great chefs are male. (except the lovelies, Em, Paula and Blogarita) I have no problem with the Sparkster being the next Wolfgang Puck, but what does it say to your friends when they peek into a boy's room and instead of a Tonka road grader and one of those orange Matchbox car tracks with the loop-de-loop, they see an Easy Bake Oven?

"Hey Sparky, put away the football because it's time to whip up a nice quiche!"

I'm afraid if we get him a kitchen set, he'll never make quarterback at UCLA. Thoughts?

11 comments:

ajooja said...

Melting Pot is great. We haven't been for a couple of years but we love that place.

Fantastagirl said...

Looks like you are getting ready for baby - I remember those days - and almost miss them...until you mentioned dirty diapers...

If he asks for a kitchen set - then you get him a kitchen set. If he asks for the tonka road grader - get him a tonka road grader. Sheesh...

Violet said...

Okay, I'm sitting at work right now, laughing so hard that I'm crying.

Then again, crying tends to be something I do a lot of these days.

How 'bout we compromise and find him a grill?

Blogarita said...

My Sparky brought that nasty-ass flu bug home to me last weekend. Missed two days of work because of it. Gives a whole new meaning to "melting pot".

OldHorsetailSnake said...

When I was a senior in high school I tried to sign up for home economics. They said it was for girls. Oh, boy, if I knew then what I knew now, I could a had me a huge lawsuit.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Hey, BDD.

So you returned to the Melting Pot. Did you have to sign a contract this year?

Nice pics, and good work on the baby's room!

mckay said...

http://www.wackyarchives.com/offbeat/caring-for-a-baby-101.html

emmasometimes had this link on her blog. too funny.

Lee Ann said...

Can't wait to see what Sparky is going to look like!
Have a great week.

arthist99 said...

Wow, I can't believe it's almost time! Doesn't seem like it's been that long (of course, I'm sure you disagree...)

Ari said...

Ohh, I want them to ban those godawful white print hoodies too. Geeg.

The Melting Pot's about an annual enjoyment for me too.

SistaSmiff said...

So is Junior's arrival going to conflict with you coming to CRS? Dangit..I was hoping this would be the year I'd get to meet ya. Damn kid.