Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A bad case of the shirts...

Two weeks ago I found myself at the baby shower of one of Emily's friends at work. This is a great example of my level of love and commitment in our relationship, because no guy ever, ever wants to be at a baby shower. It's akin to admitting you wear panties.

I do not wear panties.

During a particular lull in the activities (wait, baby showers are one big lull*), and after seeing slogans on the baby shirts, I decided any slogan I could write would blow away the ones I'd seen so far.

So I set out writing my own phrases for Sparky's shirts:
  • Hung like a second grader.
  • Powder THIS!
  • Anheuser Busch baby. Born-on date: April 6, 2008.
  • Nursing is NOT a tag team sport. Back off.
  • My other stroller has a Hemi.
  • Dang I love me some booby.
  • Come back to my crib. I have a great mobile.
  • Down to two naps a day.
  • Total Diaper Filler.
  • Piss me off and I will kick your ass.
  • You can't change me. (On second thought, you probably can)
  • In touch with my toddler side.
  • Dad's my wing-man.
  • That totally chaps my ass.
  • This is your brain on Enfamil. Any questions?
  • Your buggy has a bitchin' paint job.
  • Wanna peek under my quilt?
  • Swaddle THIS!
  • Nipple chapper.
  • Beets are evil.
  • Social instability, from the inner cities of the US to Sub-Saharan Africa is both a cause of, and a result of, the proliferation of small arms. And speaking of small arms, have you seen THESE???
I will need to get some iron-on printer paper.

*Actually it was one of the better showers because there were no games like "name the candy bar," or "taste the baby food." We opened gifts, ate some mini tacos and it was over.


Jen, Fred, Jennifer said...

Ok, those are FUNNY!!!!

And what's wrong with the name the candy bar in a diaper game, esp if you can get someone to taste it???? That's pretty funnY!!!!

ok, fine I'm a pathetic mom of 4 who doesn't get out enough....but someone sticking their finger in a pile of melted chocolate in a diaper is STILL funny..

Violet said...

Some of those may have to get "Mommy Approval" before being worn in public... Just sayin'...

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Great stuff!

You know, I just found out that for about 30k, you can buy this printer that works from your computer and prints anything onto a tee shirt.

So, for 30k, you could start your own business creating tee shirts borne of your imagination.

Using eBay and your blog, you'd be a millionaire!

Blogarita said...

My favorite recently: "I Still Live With My Parents".

Diana said...

That's some frickin' funny stuff!! Thanks for the laughs! :o)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Beets? What the hell, you never tasted strained peas?

arthist99 said...

Just open a Zazzle shop! Those are awesome!