Mom

It's been over a year since my mother left the world on her own terms. I found a piece this morning, written by Rev. Safire Rose, and was very moved. I wanted to share it here so I can find it later, and in case it might help someone else cope or understand.

Dave Morris · She Let Go

She Let Go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.

She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her.

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

~ Rev. Safire Rose

Waterworks

I'm not really a crier, but there are a few things that I just can't handle. Taps, for one. I don't have to know the person, the circumstances of their death... anything. Just hearing Taps makes me well up. I think it's probably because it was when they played Taps that I realized my Grandfather was really gone.

The 21-gun salute has a similar effect. Stories of selflessness can get to me. Watching my children sleep does it sometimes.

And the movie Field of Dreams.

What about you?

Baby Grand

After clearing out our dining room, we now have space for something I've wanted all my life, a baby grand piano.

Not that we'll be getting one right away, but in my past three houses I've had space for one and decided not to make the leap. I'm starting to feel more leapish lately.

Granted it's a huge piece of furniture but I have no hobbies to speak of, and playing the piano has always been important to me. One of my favorite movies, "10" (with Dudley Moore), scores high on my list partly because of one scene - where he plays the piano.* Check it out:



Moore got that scene in one take. He was just a great pianist.

I've always had a love for music, and I have very few passions in my life these days with exceptions for Em and Sparky. I feel like I need to find that one thing I enjoy and will be remembered for. For whatever reason, I feel like the piano could be it.



*The movie is also important to me because it came out when I was a kid. I remember talking about it with friends, eager for it to come to the theater. We all had our crushes on Bo Derek. It's strange - I never thought I would be able to relate to Moore's character. Having watched it again recently, I realize that has changed... I know exactly where he's coming from.

One of those personality tests but this one's cool because it has fancy sliders and stuff

I found this personality test on Blogarita's page... and like her, I can't seem to pass one of these up.

Here's how I scored:


Place your mouse over each section to see what that color represents.

Please feel free to take the test... it's pretty in-depth, it takes only about 20-25 minutes and it is aesthetically pleasing and quite functional. (a couple of things the test told me I should work on opening up to) It's all graphic slide-rules, etc. so it's fun to fill out.

As for personal accuracy in my case, it's fairly close. I don't think I have quite the attention to style is claims I have, and I don't think my "openness" is as high as they claim.

Eh, those that know me can be the judge.

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In my last post, I think maybe I made it sound like the Christmas tree in the photo was mine. It is not, but I can see why some might assume it is. Here's a photo of our main tree (which hasn't been set up yet):


I would love to show you a photo of the family room tree, which is currently up and decorated, but I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and snap one. It's a new tree with a snowman theme, and Emily picked out amazing decorations. Makes me feel all Christmas-y and shit.

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I posted more new material on RadorBad.net. I think I'm going to adjust the style of my writing over there - it's too boring and matter-of-fact the way it is.

Ten things about Dave (because I am mentally comatose right now)

And, since this post contains only nine things, the title is very misleading. Deal with it.

• I have a problem with restaurants who advertise that they feature "home-cooking." Unless someone lives in that restaurant, it's total bullshit.
• When I get the first dent on a new car, I lapse into a fairly deep depression for about 12 hours. My new car has no dents - however, it has one of those really low front spoilers that hits the ground when I pull into a driveway with a slope. Although the resulting scratches are out of view under the car, I am still affected. Not full-blown depression, but I find a sad song on the radio and mope a little.
• Recently, I've taken a stand against those smiley :) and sad face :( thingies. They are to writing as cheerleaders are to a chess match.
• I hate the concept of "average." Lately I've begun using it as an excuse. "Hey, at least I'm average." Through most of my life I considered myself above-average at everything. The slow realization that I am not... has been a fairly crushing experience. In fact, I am actually below average at golf and sex.* (this would be a great place for one of those sad face thingies, but I've taken a stand against them)
• I love early mornings when the sky is just starting to lighten. It's a really refreshing time of day. (unless you're driving home... that's hardly ever good) As I write this, it is exactly that time of day.
• I am a victim of the Curse of the Frontloader. Which means things seldom make it back to the garage where they belong. Instead, they end up in the laundry room on top of the washing machine. You people with normal top-loading washers probably have tidy laundry rooms. Jerks.
• A lot of the fun in life is lost simply maintaining. It's almost a full-time job to keep clothes clean. It takes a lot of time to cook meals. We work hard just to stay where we are. I resent this... especially during football season.
• I love country music. Most of it is very earthy and simple. Listen to "Sunday Morning Comin' Down" by Johnny Cash or "Better Man" by Clint Black and you'll know what I'm talking about. "Late Night Grande Hotel" by Nancy Griffith. "Go Down Easy" by Fogelberg. "Chisled In Stone" from Vern Gosdin. Pure gold.
• I also love jazz. I go through classical phases. I love rock & roll. I admire barbershop quartet singers, but can't stand to listen for long. I categorize rap as poetry. And bad poetry, at that.

Later.

*EDIT: Em said I have to add something to this post. She says it makes her uncomfortable that I say I am below average at sex. Apparently she thinks it's untrue - apparently, I'm quite the maverick. (*cocky sniff*)

Memememememeeeee!

Borrowed from Blogarita, I've decided to complete a meme. Why? I got nothin' else.

Elaborate on your avatar.

Um, it's a picture. Of me.

What’s your current relationship status?

I cohabitate with a most lovely person, Violet. She loves me in spite of my many faults.

Ever have a near-death experience?

I've been married THREE times. So, of course I have.

What’s the name of the song that’s stuck in your head right now?

How did you know a song was stuck in my head? Eleanor Rigby. Got no idea why.

Name a celebrity you would marry.

As I've stated, I think I've been married plenty, thanks. I suppose the question really means what celebrity would you bed down. None. Okay, maybe Lisa Kudrow because she reminds me of Emily. (how's THAT for a PC answer??)

Who will cut and paste this meme first?

Maybe Dr. Mike because he wants to be just like me in every way. No wait, he never blogs anymore. Eh, prolly nobody. And I don't mean Nobody, I mean nobody.

Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?

Yeah, somebody once said I vaguely resemble John Travolta. Someone else said Tim Robbins, which I can actually see (sans the blue eyes and advanced grey hair)

Do you wear a watch? What kind?

Funny you should ask. I am a watch collector. I know blogarita says they are obsolete, but I've always worn one. If I forget to put one on before I leave the house, I've actually been known to stop and buy one.

Anyway, I have about 10 watches, a couple of them pocket watches. Most of them are Citizen watches, one is a Seiko, and one is a collector's item Breitling, which is one of only 1000 like it in the world. How can you say watches are obsolete??? ;)

Edit: one of my favorite things to do with watches was from Robert Fulghum in one of his many books: remove all hands except the second hand. You never really know what time it is... you just know that it never stops moving and you should be making the best of it.

Do you have anything pierced?

Not intentionally.

Do you have any tattoos?

Not intentionally. There was that branding iron incident one night at the Yellow Rose country bar.

Do you like pain?

There are certain types of pain that are somewhat (strangely) appealing, such as the "pain" of a deep tissue massage. I am not a masochist, but I understand. (much the same way I'm not a murderer, but if you caught your spouse in bed with someone and killed that person, I understand) (Wow, that was pretty tangential)

Do you like to shop?

Oddly enough, I don't mind it. I can spend 10 hours in Sam's, Home Depot or Williams Sonoma. (I love kitchen stuff)

What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Um. Beer.

What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?

I'm always putting meals on my American Express card, which isn't really a credit card since you pay it off every month. I am in card-payoff-mode, so I'm not charging much these days.

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

Dr. Mike. I'm pretty sure it was one of our "usual" conversations, during which we do one of the following: make fun of somebody, discuss our next big scheme to make money, or figure out who's bringing the beer we'll drink on his patio.

What is on your desktop background?

On this computer, starfish under water. I have seven computers though... which is another story altogether. (I have a thing about buying computers - I have three laptops. Whenever a new model comes out, I have to have it. I admit it is a sickness) Violet has two computers, a laptop and a desktop. That makes NINE computers in the house. I got all KINDS of backgrounds!

What is the background on your cell phone?

Whatever it was when I bought it.

What was the last movie you watched?

Night at the Museum. Violet and I both gave it about 3 out of 5 stars. Kid flick. Plus, any movie where Dick Van Dyke plays a villain... automatically gets bumped down a star.

What was the last book you read?

Strangely enough, the last book I FINISHED was E=MC2 - A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation. Before that, it was Sagan's Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors. Yep, I'm a geek reader.

You can feel free to propogate this meme to your own blog if you wish, or pick one of them to answer via comment here. I hope that by reading mine, you have more of an insight into what makes me tick. But prolly not.