Stay in the truck

There are very few more poignant, ass-kicking insults than telling someone to "stay in the truck." In effect, you are saying: "Your opinion means little here and you are a newbie, a rookie, a novice... therefore I shall handle this transaction and you are to remain silent."

Except all you need are those four short, mentally debilitating words.

In fact, I've found that with just a few added words, it can be even more stinging: "Stay in the truck with the windows rolled up." Meaning: "You are an EXTREME novice, and you don't even deserve to overhear the transaction I, alone, am about to handle based on your rookiness."

Level three is: "Stay in the truck with the windows rolled up and the radio loud." Meaning: "It is ridiculous that I would even attempt to explain the transaction I am about to handle singlehandedly, even after-the-fact, because you are the mental equivalent of a toddler with Reyes Syndrome."

Finally: "Stay in the truck with the windows rolled up, the radio loud, and a hose through the window from the exhaust pipe." This is the ultimate insult. Meaning: "I am so far ahead of you, and so much more capable of handling this transaction, you merely staying in the truck isn't enough... you've begun to take up space that I cannot afford, so the world would be better off if your noviceness were permanently removed."

I think I had too much coffee this morning.

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I've started a new website - Rad or Bad. It's a place where I'll post reviews of my experiences with customer service people, businesses, companies, restaurants, etc. I'll post both good and bad for the whole world to see. Via comments, it will be interactive - feel free to contribute anything you'd like. I will begin posting tomorrow, and I'm sure the posts will be every bit as sporadic as the ones here. http://www.radorbad.net/.